Inhaling a New Vision for Romance

When we imagine our lives in the long-term, we envision a certain layout of how things should gradually take shape. You go to college, you date, you start your career, and when all aspects of your life seem to fall into place, you get married. But what happens when the order of these life events shifts? What happens when you meet "the one" prematurely?

I embarked on a spontaneous excursion to a hookah bar a few days ago with some friends, looking for nothing more than a good time and an evening of relaxation. What we ended up experiencing was something much deeper.

The owner of the lounge, an expressive Lebanese man in his mid-forties, immediately caught our attention as he took our order. After a few huffs and puffs from our waterpipe, we decided to spark conversation.

What we quickly learned, was that the man was a former engineer for corporate America who had cut all ties to the corporate world in favor of a more laissez faire lifestyle that catered to his needs as well as the needs of others. He had given up a six-figure salary in favor of smoking hookah in a restaurant until two (and sometimes four) o'clock in the morning every day and night.

But he claimed that what made it all worth it was not just the relaxed nature of his new business venture, but the simple ability to be with his family and stop living the life he had felt expected to live. (It's worth mentioning that his daughter was our other server.) His culture and religion, he said, put emphasis not on money or extravagant lifestyles, but experiencing life with family - no matter what your social status. The traditional "American dream," as many like to refer to it, does not exist in his culture.

As it turns out, his romantic life is very much out of order by the standards of today's youth. He and his wife met in college when they were only 19, and were married at the same age.

"I saw my wife, and I thought ... why not?" he said.

The example served as something strikingly significant, not just because of the fact that they were married at such a young age, but because they were married at that particular age without any extenuating circumstances. I've witnessed people getting married at an early age, but always for various reasons. They lacked the stability to stand on their own feet, they found themselves "knocked up," or they married their high school sweethearts because they didn't think they had the energy to keep looking. None of these things appeared to be the case here.

To make things more interesting, he made a surprisingly strong case for why marriages in America seem to ... well, flounder. According to him, what makes marriages fail in our culture is our uncanny ability to plan everything that we do. We get married after we've experienced our "single selves" and move into a marriage thinking we can settle down but still live our lives as if we're single. In other words, we lack boundaries.

Now, as I look back on the conversation, I can't help but wonder how much we may or may not miss out on in the process of developing a "plan" for our lives. Do we miss out on the true loves of our lives, just because they don't fit into the blueprint we've constructed for our ideal selves? Have our own standards killed our chances of experiencing marriage in its most glorious form?

Rather than awaiting a life that we've dreamed for ourselves, it seems appropriate that we should stop waiting for our dream lives to come to fruition, and start embracing living the lives we've been given. If you happen to stumble upon someone you truly love at an unexpected point in your life, it might just be better to stop asking questions and start experiencing. And if at this point you still find yourself asking an overwhelming number of questions, ask yourself only one more:

"Why not?"

Finding Your Heart in the Heart of Philadelphia

Many of those who frequent Rittenhouse Square will tell you that it is the heart and soul of the City of Philadelphia. There you will find street performers evoking awe and wonder from large crowds, clusters of hipsters staring into the sun with their aviator sunglasses and cut-off jeans, and a sea of park-goers soaking up the sun as well as the culture of Philly.

Yet strangely enough, I don't really frequent Rittenhouse Square Park that often. So one day on my afternoon off, I conformed and took a stroll down the fancy schmancy streets of Rittenhouse to observe what all of the hubbub was about.

What I discovered was a magical place full of energy, activity and excitement; a place full of men.

Short men, tall men, jock-inspired men, hipster men, even the unavoidable creepy old men. This, ladies and gentlemen, truly is the heart of the single lad's Philadelphian fantasy.

Being the curious person I am, I sat down with my copy of "Summer and the City" (shocking book choice, I know) and a frappuccino to give myself a legitimate reason to be in the surroundings. Unfortunately, my only seating choice was on a bench across from a middle-aged man attempting (and failing) to impress with his sun-burnt 50-year-old chest.

But I digress. As I engaged myself into my reading and my observing, I noticed a young couple sitting a few feet in front of me on a patch of grass. Neither could have been older than 17, and they had that gag-worthy "I'm young and in pretend love" look in their eyes ... or at least the female clearly did.

The young man she was with, on the contrary, couldn't have looked more bored. He sat patiently with her, apprehensively clutching her hand every few minutes as they read their books, as if he expected something in return for his "romance." And yet I caught him staring at me every few minutes, and couldn't help but wonder why.

I was fairly confident he wasn't gay, and there were plenty of other interesting people to be looking at in the area. I didn't bother staring back, as twinks really aren't my thing ... but it did cause me to ponder another question.

At what age, at what part of our life cycle, do we become as confidently self-aware with our emotions as we are with our libido?

I can tell you what kind of guy I go for from the outside, but when it comes to figuring out all of that lovey-dovey stuff, I haven't the slightest clue. Sometimes, it makes that high school romance based purely on physical appearance seem awfully appealing by comparison. Wouldn't it be nice, if our biggest concern was still who to take to the prom?

We all like to believe there's that special someone waiting in the world with the key to our heart, but what do you do if you never stumble upon that person? Are there multiple, universal keys out there waiting to unlock your heart? Or maybe it's a combination lock, and it's up to you to give someone the "secret code" to your inner workings.

Regardless of this ongoing mystery, it seems one thing is clear. Finding the answers to such questions will not come in the form of an instantaneously gratifying "eureka!" kind of moment, nor is it something you will come to by sitting alone in your bedroom, cuddling with your cat and watching "He's Just Not That Into You" for the millionth time.

With an entire city to explore, finding the answers to your own heart can be as easy as unearthing the inner valves of Philadelphia. And if you happen to take a few sultry detours along the way, then well, that's just another part of the process.