Meeting 'Mr. Right' in the 'New Age of Dating'

When it comes to finding love, we like to imagine that perfect meeting spot. You catch someone coyly smiling at you from another table at the coffee shop, or that perfect gentleman helping you stand up from your broken fall on the street corner. It's romantic, it's dreamy, it's corny.

The imagining of meeting that special someone and actually experiencing it for yourself are in fact two very different ideas. If we were to delve into the details of how modern people meet their loved ones, you'd be more likely to hear a story starting with the word "OkCupid" than you would be to hear anything about some handsome silhouette sweeping you off your feet.

I call it the "New Age of Dating." Just as the standards changed when the automobile and movie theater came into play, so it has changed with the introduction and endurance of the Internet. Like it or not, it dictates who, where, and why we date.

To broaden the matter, the invention of the cell phone and the "love to hate" text message have stretched out this concept even further. Now, when you meet that person that catches your eye online, you're not just expected to sit through a charming instant messaging conversation at your computer, you're expected to send that person a glowing text message on the go ... and God forbid you send it a minute late.

I recently got together with one of my favorite "Jersey boys" (who, at his core, is anything but Jersey-typical) for coffee and catching up, and he informed me that, upon some deep reflection, he had decided to drop his cell phone plan. To make things more interesting, he decided to do so immediately after spending a large sum of money on a brand new smartphone.

Go figure, right?

As someone who is practically in a relationship with his phone, I didn't know what to make of it. His primary argument was that - on top of being an extra expense - his cell phone stifled personal interactions. He was essentially saying that cell phones don't make socializing easier, they in fact do just the opposite.

And as I thought about it more, I had to question it myself. When it comes to interacting with others, particularly dating, does new age technology really change the dynamics of dating for the better?

As time has gone on, the text message in particular has become a subject of interest. "OMG, he didn't text me back!" is a pretty common, eye-rolling phrase you'll hear passing by someone on the street. When it comes right down to it, texting has become more political than it has personal.

And online profiles? Somehow it has become considered "creepy" to view someone's profile, or to write too much about yourself in an "About Me" description. Color me ignorant, but the whole point of a dating site is to have access to this sort of thing, correct?

As a society, we've become so consumed in the norms of the digital age, that we don't actually stop and think about whether any of it is benefitting us at all. We seek not a real connection from our text messages, but an unhealthy, sometimes dangerous self-validation that a relationship should not be dependent upon. That isn't to say I'm an advocate of ditching the cell phone and laptop, but I would advise putting the phone down and ignoring your match.com or Grindr accounts for a few weeks, and seeing how you handle it.

One of the greatest lessons I've learned thus far in the dating world, is that the bigger the challenge is, the bigger the pay-off will be. In a society where passive aggressiveness has become commonplace, you'd be amazed what wonders being straightforward can do for you. So the next time you find yourself typing that extra "lol" or "smiley face" in your text message to earn "cool points," try hunting that love interest down in person and letting them see that beautiful smile for themselves. It's more telling than any kind of short-form syntax, and just might get you that one, genuine response you've always hoped for.

What Do You Do With a Broken Heart?

In the process of dealing with a break-up or flat-out rejection, you go through just about every state of mind you can possibly imagine. There’s the phase of pure anger, where you shatter your wine glass on the ground in pure rage. There’s the phase of denial, where you try and justify every word that has been said and every tiny action that can be analyzed. And of course, there’s that pure, simple and lingering phase of sadness of which I need not describe.

And perhaps what’s most unfortunate about it all, is this process never really comes to a halt, no matter how many times you experience it, or how logical you try to be. Your sensibilities don’t work in a love-struck world where, by its own nature, there is no such thing as “rational.”

What does it mean, then, that even with all of this “experience” we have, we still can’t learn to just move on?

It’s easy to tell yourself to “get back on the horse and try again,” and to move onward from all that is doom and gloom, but doing so is often a completely different story. Humankind prides itself on dwelling. “What don’t we dwell on?” is undeniably a much better question than the reverse.

What I’ve come to realize, however, is that rather than sinking in these feelings and letting them consume you (and boy do they consume), it eases the pain in the long run to tackle these feelings head on and – if at all possible – bypass them altogether.

You have the friends who will advise you to do this or that in the post-break-up process, and many of us do so accordingly. We “wait it out,” thinking that we’re being the bigger person by avoiding confrontation and talking out feelings. But when it comes down to it, these games of emotional politics do more harm than they do good. We need only look at the example of Washington for further proof of the damage political thinking can deal.

I don’t have the clear-cut answer to heartbreak; if I did I’d certainly have a much more solid business model than running a column on Blogger. But the advice I can give that will save pain in the long-term, is to stop running.

Stop running from those feelings that you don’t want to feel anymore. Stop running from the anger and the frustration that you feel for the person who broke your heart. Stop running from the bright light coming toward you, because doing that is the only thing holding you back from moving forward.

Love and heartbreak are not “black and white” subjects, and they surely are not emotions that any doctor or scientist can ever give you a solid solution to. No one can write you a prescription for a broken heart. In that very way, it just might be the worst disease to ever plague humanity. It’s everywhere, and it’s unavoidable.

But like The Black Death, you’ve got to warn the others and stay on-guard during the entire duration of the outbreak. But always keep in mind that living in fear of being struck by it is a worse poison than the harsh realities of love could ever be.

Finding Your Heart in the Heart of Philadelphia

Many of those who frequent Rittenhouse Square will tell you that it is the heart and soul of the City of Philadelphia. There you will find street performers evoking awe and wonder from large crowds, clusters of hipsters staring into the sun with their aviator sunglasses and cut-off jeans, and a sea of park-goers soaking up the sun as well as the culture of Philly.

Yet strangely enough, I don't really frequent Rittenhouse Square Park that often. So one day on my afternoon off, I conformed and took a stroll down the fancy schmancy streets of Rittenhouse to observe what all of the hubbub was about.

What I discovered was a magical place full of energy, activity and excitement; a place full of men.

Short men, tall men, jock-inspired men, hipster men, even the unavoidable creepy old men. This, ladies and gentlemen, truly is the heart of the single lad's Philadelphian fantasy.

Being the curious person I am, I sat down with my copy of "Summer and the City" (shocking book choice, I know) and a frappuccino to give myself a legitimate reason to be in the surroundings. Unfortunately, my only seating choice was on a bench across from a middle-aged man attempting (and failing) to impress with his sun-burnt 50-year-old chest.

But I digress. As I engaged myself into my reading and my observing, I noticed a young couple sitting a few feet in front of me on a patch of grass. Neither could have been older than 17, and they had that gag-worthy "I'm young and in pretend love" look in their eyes ... or at least the female clearly did.

The young man she was with, on the contrary, couldn't have looked more bored. He sat patiently with her, apprehensively clutching her hand every few minutes as they read their books, as if he expected something in return for his "romance." And yet I caught him staring at me every few minutes, and couldn't help but wonder why.

I was fairly confident he wasn't gay, and there were plenty of other interesting people to be looking at in the area. I didn't bother staring back, as twinks really aren't my thing ... but it did cause me to ponder another question.

At what age, at what part of our life cycle, do we become as confidently self-aware with our emotions as we are with our libido?

I can tell you what kind of guy I go for from the outside, but when it comes to figuring out all of that lovey-dovey stuff, I haven't the slightest clue. Sometimes, it makes that high school romance based purely on physical appearance seem awfully appealing by comparison. Wouldn't it be nice, if our biggest concern was still who to take to the prom?

We all like to believe there's that special someone waiting in the world with the key to our heart, but what do you do if you never stumble upon that person? Are there multiple, universal keys out there waiting to unlock your heart? Or maybe it's a combination lock, and it's up to you to give someone the "secret code" to your inner workings.

Regardless of this ongoing mystery, it seems one thing is clear. Finding the answers to such questions will not come in the form of an instantaneously gratifying "eureka!" kind of moment, nor is it something you will come to by sitting alone in your bedroom, cuddling with your cat and watching "He's Just Not That Into You" for the millionth time.

With an entire city to explore, finding the answers to your own heart can be as easy as unearthing the inner valves of Philadelphia. And if you happen to take a few sultry detours along the way, then well, that's just another part of the process.