"So, did it hurt?"

"Why, when you fell from heaven, of course!"

We've all endured them; we've all dished them out. They're those pungent pick-up lines that make us want to gag. (And not in the fun way.) Let's take a look at some of the worst ways to approach that random person of interest.

1. Groping of any kind. All right, so your goal is to add another tally mark to your growing list of "scores." That's great, but know better than to use sex as a means to get to know someone on a deeper level. There's a reason the first kiss is normally referred to as a "good-night kiss;" the point is to run someone through a string of mental and emotional endurance tasks before taking any kind of physical plunge. Grabbing someone's "junk" isn't going to earn you any cool points in the dating realm.

2. Regurgitating your life story. I had the unfortunate displeasure of watching a poorly dressed, awkward-to-the-extremes man at Starbucks "slyly" strike conversation with the woman sitting at the table next to him. Within ten seconds of introducing himself, he managed to inform her that he was unemployed, stressed to the breaking point and available to the point of desperation. It was like watching dominoes fall one after the other. Do yourself a favor and save the sob stories for after you've firmly established comfort zones and boundaries ... which normally won't happen until a third date or later anyway.

3. Cruising. While many might disagree with me on this subject, I do not find "cruising" (that is, the art of aggressively eying someone down) to be beneficial in the slightest. It implies something overtly sexual, and it implies passive aggressive. If you want to talk to someone, find a reason to do so. After all, what do you expect to happen when someone sees you giving them the "up-down"? This isn't a movie; you're unlikely to get a wink, nod and coy smile in response. You're actually more likely to see someone switch train cars or walk to the other side of the street.

4. "You look like someone I know..." For whatever reason, this seems to be a common, phony line men like to employ to get someone to talk to them. What's the point? The other person most likely knows that it's just an excuse to talk to them, and at that point, they're aware that you're nervous. It also suggests that you already have a label attached to them. (What if that "someone you know" is your mother?) Avoid the tacky scapegoat questions and find something clever to say.

5. Discussing the weather. For God's sake, please do not use the weather as an ice breaker. If weather discussion isn't okay when you're talking to your friends, it certainly isn't going to be thought-provoking discussion for someone you're interested in. Save your opinions on the day's cloud formations for Thanksgiving dinner with grandma and grandpa.

Heard of or experienced some bad pick-up lines or approaching methods? Let me know about it: shoot me an email at brandon.baker@temple.edu and you just might find your story featured in an upcoming "Sex and the City of Brotherly Love" update.

Stoking the fires of fate

"Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her. But once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game." - Voltaire

Fate. It's the one word that makes some cringe and others squeal with excitement at the prospect that their life is already predetermined, presumably in the best of ways. But if life is just a road map that we navigate to the same destination, how do we determine which choices are really the best ones?

Choices. Another striking word that evokes some of the most stressful anxiety from our minds. We ask ourselves the simplest of questions that lead to the most complex of situations: "Is he the one?"; "Do I choose him or my career?"; "Am I ready?"

Unfortunately, life does not provide us with a top-of-the-line GPS system to assure us that we're headed in the right direction. The choices we make are left solely to our own judgment, our own peace of mind.

I have been left contemplating where my life choices have taken me in the past year, what role I've been given as a result, and how my life may be different today had I taken a different unfamiliar route. On a deeper level, I'm left to consider whether fate, that elusive word that escapes all human comprehension, really does exist?

I don't doubt that we've all found ourselves in eerie predicaments at one point or another that have left us wondering this same question. You run into an old flame on the street against all odds; your trip to the coffee shop substantiates into an earth-shattering relationship with someone who happened to be sitting next to you; you find sparks with your co-worker at a new job you were initially skeptical of taking.

And of course, you imagine what direction your life would have taken had you not taken that new job, decided to go to the coffee shop that day, or taken that particular detour you did while walking on the street. Is it possible that, despite all of our efforts, strategies and boundaries we try to layout in our love lives, that our "destiny" is controlled by something ... dare I say ... supernatural?

I've never fancied myself the type to put faith into things I can't directly see or experience, but I believe I've stumbled into the territory of what I call a "closet fater." And really, what is so unfathomable about the idea of love being beyond the realm of logic? Anyone who loves their abusive boyfriend, their husband that they know is unfaithful, or that euphorically addictive but toxic person in their life can tell you that reasoning plays little role in the dynamics of such an emotion.

In that case, maybe it is not so much fate that drives our direction in life, so much as love itself. It isn't predestined, but it is likely to pull us in one direction over another. To believe in fate, ultimately, is to believe in love.

We may not have the choice of deciding who we love or whether that love blossoms into everything we want it to be, but we do have the comforting choice to believe in fate, in all of its otherworldly glory.

A Bicycle Built for Two

Every so often, a single lad reaches a point where he has to wonder whether he's really the "relationship type." With all of the relationship-heavy scenery surrounding us, it gets to be the default answer to just tell yourself that your life plan absolutely demands one, without even considering what you want from such a thing, or whether you need one at all.

Is it possible that, despite the oft-overwhelming emphasis on couplets, we don't actually need long-term relationships to make our lives fulfilling?

My summer has come along with a lot of come-and-go dates. While some were more intriguing than others (like my dinner date at IKEA),they all ultimately met the same fateful demise. And as I began to consider the reasons why, I could suddenly feel a light bulb glimmer and spark atop my head.

It seems that as the "rules" of dating continue to develop, we as a people lose our comprehension of what it means to be in a relationship, and why they should be cherished in the first place. How can one find authentic meaning in a relationship built on superficial rules and hidden agendas? (Not to contradict any of my tips for dating, of course.)

Relationships should not be any more about joint mortgages or social status than Suze Orman should be about managing the perfectly feminine appearance.

The persisting issue today is not that we persist and obsess over relationships, it's that we do it for all of the wrong reasons. We want a partner so we aren't stuck at the counter while eating our apple pie in the diner; we want to show off just what our collective package can get us.

We don't want a relationship, we want another label.

If there is one thing I have confidently figured out in my time in the glorious City of Philadelphia, it's that finding a "great love" is not something that can be manufactured or manifested in a Facebook relationship status. A great love is something that develops over time and with great emotional investment, not over a planned-to-death dating layout that puts a wrong focus on coaxing someone into a relationship.

There is a reason standard bicycles come as a one-seater: life is meant to be traveled alone, unless you're lucky enough to stumble upon that special person you trust just enough to keep your bike peddling.