Realizing that you love someone stands as the biggest “aha!” moment of a person’s life. There is no greater realization, no better feeling to be had for the human soul. Despite the trouble and anxiety that is very likely to ensue in the future, you truly have no concept of your euphoria deepening after experiencing such life-altering feelings. To the stronghold of your emotions, you’ve reached the top of the mountain.
Still, the aftermath of this realization has an unfortunate tendency to throw an innumerable amount of questions and problems our way, producing that curve ball we just can't seem to hit out of the park. Once you finally find love, what do you do with it?
I fondly recall a time where sorting through your emotions was as simple as passing along a note and asking a person to “check yes or no.” It was easy, it was to-the-point, and it was effective. You had the answer to your question just as quickly as it surfaced. For this reason, I can’t help but wonder ... what changed?
It appears that somewhere along the line we find ourselves battered and bruised to the point of no return. Writing that very straightforward question on a piece of paper is no longer representative of a hopeful future, but the possibility of an oncoming doomsday based on a dreary past.
Which brings me to my point: At what cost do we “protect ourselves” in the long journey of finding and keeping love?
Our modern lifestyles particularly enjoy glorifying the one-night stand that serves to make our romantic comedies interesting and keep our gossipy friends entertained. Yet really, does a one-night stand serve as anything more than a scapegoat for insecurity?
That’s not to say I view one-night stands as a sign of loneliness and desperation. Sometimes it’s best to recognize that a good f*** is just that: a good f***. However, our lifestyles are, more often than not, a striking reflection of the state of our emotions. It seems perfectly reasonable to assume that if someone is going to the club every night – “single and fabulous” or not – they’re going in search of something more than a vodka martini. Even the most seemingly stable and blissfully promiscuous deal with their own love-struck dilemmas, and struggle just as much as your average write-in to “Ask Ann.”
I’ve spent quite the chunk of time in my life trying to understand why people feel the need to constantly keep themselves at arm’s length, and it becomes clearer and clearer to me with each passing day. Yet what comes with this understanding, to my own surprise, is not so much an acceptance of this idea of “protecting yourself,” but a motivation to break apart those emotional barriers.
It seems awfully counterproductive to spend your life shooing away love and fending off its affects, when the unconscious (quite literally) craves its attention. To say that our minds are not dependent on relationships, would be like saying that our bodies are not dependent on food. Pushing away these bare necessities are unhealthy and detrimental to the same “self” you aim to preserve.
I’ve been a consistent advocate of avoiding dwelling in my blog entries, and I maintain that moving forward means not looking back. All the while, it is more important to note that moving forward in your life requires conscious effort – just because you’re not looking back, doesn’t mean you’re moving forward.
Finding love and moving forward with it means putting yourself out there, whether that be with a high school-style note or an awkward face-to-face conversation with whom you believe to be your one true love. Turn back the clock on your commitment-phobic self and embrace the idea that maybe, just maybe, love isn’t another aspect of your life that you can control. You may face a few added risks by embracing this idea, but you just might find that it’s worth it when that radiant love note finally gets passed over to your desk.
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