The Three Rs of 9/11: rememberance, rebuilding and reconnection

Each week I sort through my wall of post-it notes that comprises every single idea that sparks in my mind for this blog. This week, I was fully prepared to please with another thought-provoking, contentious topic on dating and relationships courtesy of "the wall of thoughts," when it occurred to me what today is and what it represents. It suddenly seemed silly for me to preach about dating and relationships when something bigger overshadows the standard aura of the day.

But when I dug to the core of why September 11th is represented as such a somber day, I considered that the tragedy behind the landmark event is not the death toll, the loss of information or the loss of an American symbol, but the impact it had on families that were intertwined through relationships.

For some it was a simple reminder to appreciate their loved ones, and for others it was a direct effect of deep loss and heartbreak. It was, truly, the type of event that shapes a lifetime.

But these aren't lessons you haven't already heard or don't already know; instead, what I've tried to take away from the horrors of 9/11, is an understanding of the differences between what you have, what you want, and most importantly, who you are.

How do these lessons connect to 9/11?

September 11th stands for the one thing in our lives that puts our worldviews into perspective: loss. The most fruitful introspective experiences happen under extreme stress and during times of monumental loss. The hole left in our lives serves as something that needs to be filled, and many mindlessly grab their figurative shovel in search of dirt to fill that hole. What happens, unfortunately, is a downward spiral that fills the hole with sharp-pointed, edgy rocks instead of the mounds of dirt needed to make us feel "whole again."

Rebuilding from loss involves a lot of self-reflection and comprehension of the things you really have in your life, what they mean to you, what life expansions you want to seek out and a comprehensive understanding of who it is that you are; not who you avoid becoming or aim to become. Who you are shapes who you will be.

I can only imagine the introspection that happened (and still happens) in the minds of those that experienced such great loss during and following the tragedy of 9/11, but the experience itself should find a place in your own life as an example of how to reconnect with yourself and what your life means to you.

As cliche as it may seem, the loss you experience in life is only a physical one. Your loved one may have perished in the flames, but the impact they had on your life is a flame that burns eternally and molds your future self. My best piece of advice, is to not be afraid to light a new candle. You may not find that you want or need the same things post-trauma, but that shouldn't be associated with not wanting/needing anything.

My Jewish friends and followers might appreciate the analogy of our lives being a manifestation of the menorah. The candle-holding instrument itself is shaped and made what it is by the many (but limited) candles it holds, with each one having its own symbolism and role.

By all means, don't let your menorah go unlit.

Remember the images of 9/11 and its lasting influences for the sake of moving forward, rebuild to form a new foundation for your life and reconnect with yourself as a reminder that there will always be a blossoming flower poking somewhere through the rubble.