Shopping for Singles and Sausage

You go to the bar, expecting to find a nice guy/gal to flirt with, but instead drunkenly run into your ex. You go to a house party, thinking that the more intimate environment might allow for an easy hook-up, but instead find yourself discouraged by the lack of options or the stiff competition. The solution to these two enigmatic problems?

Grocery shopping.

As silly as it may sound, when you consider the type of person who goes to a grocery store, you may have trouble envisioning one particular, stereotypical image of a person. That's because everyone goes grocery shopping, because everyone needs to eat.

The problem with bar and party hopping, is that every scene eventually becomes tired. "Hip" clubs and party-scenes become outdated about as quickly as they become fashionable; and as a result, their demographics evolve in ways that aren't always favorable for the Philly single.

Grocery stores, on the other hand, never go out of style. They're like a nice pair of stilettos - sure, the color or the print on the shoe may go out of fashion, but the core idea of the high-heeled, power-tripped wearer of the shoe never does. Shopping at a grocery store essentially evens out all of your shortcomings that might come along with a night out at the bar, because everyone is there for the same basic necessities.

Anyone who has been to a Whole Foods in the city can point out the diversity of the people shopping there. It's like the Louis Vuitton of grocery stores in Philadelphia, and its shoppers reflect this level of quality. You have your gay men seeking out their high-protein sources in the poultry department, your hipsters seeking out ingredients for the perfect vegan meal, and the horn-dogs squeezing melons and gripping bananas in the produce section.

But while you may claim to go shopping for organic food, what you're really doing is shopping for the "organic single." It's easy to understand a person by the food that they eat, therefore making the grocery store the perfect place to scope out more than just a great bargain. And how much easier could it get to show off your goods than leaning over to price-check a can of soup on the bottom shelf?

Alas, most of the lusty-busty magic does not occur while shopping, but rather while "checkin' people out" at the check-outs. By the time you've roamed the store and gathered your food items, you've already determined who you're attracted to, and who you're not. So when you see them standing in a line, it opens up the perfect opportunity to start a conversation (or at the very least, to cruise them down). Or if you're really desperate, it's always a perfectly viable option to flirt with the cute cashier who is undoubtedly going to be open to a short, flirtatious conversation after enduring a long, boring shift of ringing-up bitter customers.

So the next time you find yourself with a full grocery list, preparing to leave for the grocery store, remember to wear that extra-flattering top and tight pair of jeans. You never know where the magic is going to happen.